How to deal with your IN-LAWS?
The wedding is one of the days that every girl in our country is looking forward to, or at least most of the girls do. The whole ceremony is like a fairy tale and the thought of being called someone’s wife, and getting to spend the rest of your life with someone you are crazily in love with is what everyone wants. We have already covered many articles on the matter of marriage but what will happen after that?! Marrying someone, whether you like it or not, means marrying their family as well. Of course, not literally.
So you need to be considerate and you also need them to love you and accept you as their own daughter, right?! Things get a little more difficult when after marriage, you move in with your in laws! No matter how close you guys are, there are times that you wish if it were only the two of you. Times you wish if you could sleep a little bit longer. Or times when you wish if you didn’t have to cook for the rest of the family as well! Of course, there are not all drawbacks.
Check the benefits on Next Page!
You will have so many benefits as well, as you’ll get to be a part of a bigger family, luckily a nice one. You will learn so many things about the married life from your mother in law or other in laws and you know for a fact that no matter what, they will always be there for you to help you through thick and thin. Sometimes even you get to be pampered even more than the time when you were at home. You will learn more about the values of your new family and that will help you with your marriage tremendously. The first point you need to make sure you are making however is…
Know for a fact that you need to be incredibly flexible with your whole life. Everything about your life before marriage is going to change and those changes are not necessarily going to be pleasant or even unpleasant changes! No matter how similar your families are, still few things are going to differ like eating habits and cooking habits. Being rigid is what makes things more difficult for you and as a newly married one, you do not want to be left out! Just keep your horizons open.
To find out what the next point is, go to Next Page!
Drawing a line
These two, flexibility and adjustment are complementary. Know for a fact that there is a line you need to draw if you are looking for an easier life with your in laws. Just remember that they are not your enemies. Do not go overboard trying to impress them doing what you normally don’t do. Thinking that this way you will get to be a part of the family and then after a while that you are fed up with everything you want to stop impressing them which is just too late. Just be who you are and let them accept you the way you are.
Ajanta Dee, the founder of Inner Sight Counseling, in one of her video on HerBody mDhil channel, said: “A lot of times I come across the scenario where a woman who is newly married has a lot of grievances against her mother-in-law or in-laws. It could be related to violation of privacy, it could be about feeling alienated, it could be not being able to keep up with the expectations…” These problems, as she mentioned in the video, tend to have something to do with what is happening between the couple.
There is a lot more that can help you on Next Page!
The anger you have from your mother in law stems from the fact that your husband hasn’t expressed to take on it! See, when you are holding grudges, it is frustratingly difficult to try to keep an open mind and be positive. Ajanta Dee said: “For example, my mother in law came in and said that my sister in law cooks this particular dish very well. What did I hear? I heard it as “I don’t cook this dish well.” Sometimes we hear things that have not been said but it is because of the background we have in our mind.
She suggested some ways to face these things, one of which was “If it is not said, you haven’t heard it.” Sometimes we overthink and end up being hurt or feeling neglected for something that the person did not mean! Non-verbal disapprovals, however, are not something that you can turn a blind eye on but in order to stay in a better state of mind and live a healthier life, you need to learn to let go of things easily.
The last page is the last resort!
Keep in mind that before anything you need to make sure that your partner is someone that understands you. Someone who will stand up for you if things are not fair. What you should be aware of is that your in laws are always going to be your in laws. So do not expect them to be just like your families. No one is perfect. They are not going to adjust to every single expectation of yours so you need to keep them to a set of necessities and share it with them so it will be easier.
What you need to do is to speak up because you both want to make this work, right?! Tell them how much you can adjust and how much they need to adjust to get to a common ground of understanding. Sometimes you need to learn to ignore things. In laws and your relationships with them can ruin your life or help you to be a better person. The longer you spend time with them, you will easier get the hang of it and live your life!
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