Thoughts that are disastrous for every relationship
Communication begins with our thoughts. They appear in our heads subconsciously and we actually cannot influence what we suddenly think. However, the problem begins when you don’t think twice and utter the thoughts that you shouldn’t actually speak aloud. In the beginning, you may not realize how much harm you do to your partner and generally to your relationship. Once the words are said, the resentment and damage are done and this may badly affect your love. This article presents a few examples of quite inevitable thoughts that can have negative consequences.
‘He is probably cheating on me!’
You’ve noticed that he keeps coming back home late or that he has been caring about his appearance too much recently and you quickly jump to the conclusion that he must be cheating on you! You are really angry and jealous but also too ashamed to confront him and talk about the matter openly. So you just keep being annoyed, moody and unkind for him. Of course, there is a risk he is having an affair but there are also many other explanations! He can work long hours because he has to meet the deadline for some project or he wears better clothes because he wants to be attractive to YOU!
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‘He should make me happy!’
Well, you should feel comfortable and relaxed with him. But if you often tend to have mood swings and you’re always tired after work then you cannot expect that he will immediately heal your sadness and exhaustion. He may try really hard to make you smile by saying funny things or providing you with good comedy. But if you are still grumpy then you shouldn’t blame him for that. Instead, appreciate his efforts and go to sleep earlier. It will prevent any unnecessary conflicts and when you wake up then you will feel much better!
‘Why no emoticons??’
Well, there are women who are able to start an argument because their partners didn’t include any emoticons in a message. And they generally make a mountain out of a molehill quarreling over such minor, mundane things! You can’t just wait to blame him for anything even when he says ‘You have a good job’ and you would like to hear ‘You have a wonderful job’. Such insane, disastrous thoughts can appear mostly when you’re nervous and exhausted so before saying something hurtful you’d better calm down and think twice.
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‘He should do it’
Some things can be really obvious to you and you just expect that your partner will do them. And when it turns out that he didn’t then you get angry and furious. This often leads to an argument when you blame your partner for not guessing what he should do and what was supposed to be his obligation. Now think again, did he really know what he should have done? Or you just expected him to guess your intentions? Men prefer direct, clear messages so next time don’t assume that he knows what to do and then criticize him.
‘It’s not fair!’
Life is not fair, get used to this fact. You will never be given a cake that is identical to the one your sister was given. After all, there may be more jam or chocolate. The same is with the relationship. You may cook and clean the house for the whole day and then you expect exactly the same thing from your partner. And you don’t accept the fact that he wants to help you but with some other things like shopping or something else. You won’t be able to share all the obligations half by half! It can only lead to arguments and frustration!
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If your assumption is always that you are 100% right as regards to any matter and that your partner should accept this fact then your relationship is probably already in a trouble. When you discuss something or you fiercely fight over something, very minor or important issue, you always have this thought in your mind - ‘He’s wrong’. Your partner feels hopeless as you never allow him to win the argument. He can come up with a very logical argument but you always find a more convincing one. You probably need to reflect on your attitude and choose a compromise more often.
‘He’s not smart enough’
You don’t believe he can succeed. whatever he takes up you always try to bring him down to earth and convince him that his plans or dreams are too unrealistic to come true. You don’t allow him to defend his opinion and explain why he has the chance to achieve success or change something for the better. This way you complicate your relationship and inevitably lead to the disaster. Who would like to be with such a toxic person? Maybe you just don’t believe in yourself and want to make others feel the same?
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‘He is always so lazy’
This is another example of destructive thought. Such an assumption won’t help you let more sparks come into your relationship. If you keep thinking about him in a negative way, you are gradually more and more discouraged to be with him. Those thoughts are subconscious but when you believe them, you are no longer able to look at your boyfriend with the same admiration. Are you looking for an ideal model or just a loving, caring partner?
‘If he had done that we could avoid these problems now’
There are literally catastrophic conclusions. When your partner does something wrong, make some mistake, then you exaggerate this action assume that it will lead you to some problems. ‘Oh, you forgot to buy cheese? The dish will be disgusting without it’, ‘You didn’t send that letter I asked you to send? I will have problems at work because of this’. There are numerous other examples and as you can see, all of them show your grievance and resentment. This can only spoil the atmosphere and your relationship.
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