Types of emotional violence
In 2002, Lundy Bancroft wrote one of the most profound books on the mentality of psychological or emotional aggressors. Based on clinical evidence and part of the research, it proposes different types of violent emotional. The proposal of Lundy Bancroft is a detailed breakdown of the springs that are behind each type of violent or emotional aggressor when it comes to mistreating their victims. The presentation of the assumptions on which the abuse behaviors seem to be based is described as if it were the internal dialogue of the different types of violent emotional.
Lundy Bancroft proposes different types of emotional violence, that is, psychological or emotional aggressors. Consider that the couple is to please and even take care of their responsibilities. However, if you are in a relationship with someone who is asking you to do things without them doing anything in return, this is not an ok relationship.
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Most of their conversations revolve around their needs and the obligations of the couple, but they become furious if something is demanded from them, even if it is their obligations. If you feel unhappy, it will be your partner's fault. It may seem less controlling than other types of emotional violence if your needs are met. He is considered an admirable person, as well as his skill and intelligence, as well as his achievements.
He knows exactly what to do, even what is best for his partner. Therefore the opinions of your partner do not deserve to be heard or taken into consideration, especially when they are different from yours. If there are disagreements, think that they are an expression of the couple's ineptitude and feel it as a way to mistreat her, regardless of how respectful she is expressing herself.
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But, on the other hand, he thinks that if the couple accepts that he is right, the relationship will go much better, since he really thinks that he knows better what the relationship needs. When he talks about his wife, he does it with condescension, and if he does not feel superior, he scares her by ridiculing her, insulting her and discrediting her thoughts (which makes her more vulnerable to his control). Let's say that he is a specialist in her shortcomings, and has no prejudice in commenting on them in front of third parties and in public.
He is convinced that his partner is the one who creates the problems and with this conviction acts. These types of emotional violence can be mistreated without altering their tone of voice, for example through this type of sarcastic and petty comments: "You are crazy. You prepare a drama for nothing." He takes refuge in the apparent tranquility to justify any kind of cruel expression. Their tactics can be difficult to identify, go unnoticed by an observer or easy to deny in the face of a woman's confrontation.
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It can even make the children think that the mother is doing nothing. They have calculated maneuvers without error. This guy needs to control all the movements of his partner because he considers that he knows perfectly how things should be done. He believes that his partner has no right to have anything or anyone in her life besides him. He monitors and limits it so that she cannot develop its resources or its independence, taking control to the maximum and being extremely jealous.
The jealousy is transformed into allegations of deception. These types of emotional violence end up physically attacking their partners. The effect it generates in them is similar to that of a violation, it traumatizes and also hinders the exit of that relationship. The man who watches his partner's mobile for an obsession considers that he is against machismo, so he cannot be an abuser, and for that reason, women should be grateful because he is not like those men.
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He loves the language of feelings, they are presented as allies of women, so it is easy to think that if your partner feels mistreated, the error is in her. He controls his partner because he knows that her problems were in childhood and believes that he analyzes his mental and emotional reactions, so he can be inside her whether she wants to or not. In addition, nothing is more important than what he feels. They are easily wounded but it is very difficult to repair the damage. However, if his feelings are aggrieved.
Another type is the one that thinks that running away from violence or showing fear or grief is associated with femininity, which is a lower category. So force and violence are good. Women are there to serve men and be protected by them. He has an exaggerated vision of what it means to be men, "it is not for men to beat women except if their behavior requires it" since the woman is something that belongs to him, like a trophy, and for that reason, he must keep her at bay.
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