Psychological studies affirm that love lasts only 5 years, so it is recommended to change partners after the last year!
The issue of monogamy and polygamy, as well as the duration of a relationship, has always been at the forefront. There are those who last all their lives together, while others only last a few weeks. All these realities are inherent to the human being. Did you ever think about how long your relationships last? Then we tell you about a new study that gives us new insights into it.
The approach that is on the table is that the ideal time for couples is 5 years. Yes, they read well. Only five years and neither more nor less. For many people, that news can be quite surprising, but according to some studies, it is an ideal time for couples. However, after those five years, we should change partners or simply separate ourselves from the current one. All that is for our good.
Such a proposal is made by the Spanish psychologist Rafael Santandreu in his controversial book, "Las gafas de la felicidad" (The glasses of happiness). He is a specialist who helps many people overcome problems with low self-esteem and develop their emotional strength. Often surprising with some quite controversial solutions that for many cannot be tolerated. However, there are also many people who helped them to cope with their fears and face life and everyday problems.
Initially, this author argues that perhaps his proposals might sound somewhat crazy, but he thinks they are more realistic. He recognizes that the solutions he proposes may seem very controversial, but we should try to use them and even later judge his ideas. The author is not afraid to ask questions and give answers that nobody could imagine. He knows that only in this way can he encourage many people to read his books and want to think about the solutions proposed by the psychologist.
According to him, human beings are not designed for monogamy so we would have to rethink the perspectives. The psychologist believes that by being with a person throughout life, we can end up frustrated and unhappy. His ideas may seem a little crazy, however, the Spanish psychologist believes that monogamy is one of the most absurd ideas of our civilization and that it goes against our nature so we should rethink the popular scheme of the relationships of two people.
Also, this specialist states that our most serious problems are rooted in this fact. Although it seems incredible, many of our misunderstandings can start precisely because of monogamy. That could change the style of our lives forever. However, surely there are many people to whom the idea of polygamy, that is, having many husbands or wives, is not a thing. We are too accustomed to the norms established by our grandparents and parents, as for now reorganize all the way of life.
Many human beings in this way start from a wrong base when they crave romantic love. When looking for a partner for life, many times we can be disappointed and lose faith in true love. But here arises another question: only the love that lasts until death is true? Or maybe every love we experience throughout our existence will be real love? Many people cannot come to an agreement when they have to answer those questions. At the same time, they make us think a lot about interpersonal relationships.
So, the essential point of Rafael Santandreu's study revolves around that couples must change their partner at 5 years of age. Maybe at the beginning of the relationship, we think that this is the person with whom we want to spend our whole lives and who will make us happy and complete. However, although we feel great with our other half, at the same time we should keep in mind the idea that our love will not necessarily last forever.
The author affirms that it has been possible to sustain monogamy on a cultural level since men have possessed women. In fact, they are the men who are most often infidels, whereas women usually know how to remain faithful forever. Men are a type of hunter who throughout life have a very strong instinct to hunt and feel attracted to other females. Instead, women seek security and once they find the right man, they usually stop thinking about conquering someone else.
In this sense, this psychologist says that the relationship that is raised in the current couple is of a master-slave nature. Although many times women do not feel comfortable with the relationship they are in, for many reasons, they prefer to stay with the couple they already know. Somehow they are afraid to meet someone new and start from the beginning. In contrast, men constantly seek an adventure and love new challenges.
In this way, the writer says that if the model is changed, women will achieve freedom and they will also be encouraged to be citizens and fight for their rights. Many of them would love to try something new, but often decide better not to risk and not talk about their wishes. They prefer to stay with security, many times false, even if that means they have to tolerate the slips of their husbands.
The study done by this man expresses that there is a lot of repressions, mostly in women. Men are usually more direct and without scruples talk about their needs. But the ladies stayed with the old ideas and prefer to follow the rules established in the past. A traditional model of the family is what many women look for in life and are not willing to tolerate another woman around them.
However, and as a counterpart, such an agenda of changing partners every 5 years could also imply a new oppressive constraint. It would be very difficult for us to change our beliefs and customs from one day to the next. At the bottom of our being, we know that polygamy is not right either. In some way, we all want to have a happy relationship, but with only one person, to form a family and to have the confidence that the person we love will always be there for us.
But one of the central points of the approach of this book is based on stop thinking about the "forever". It is something that goes against all of our beliefs that we acquired since we were children. Above all, that thought is very strong among women who, since they are girls, imagine their prince charming, the unique and extraordinary, the love of his life, which is precisely "for always". They do not accept another style or another solution.
One of the most fundamental criticisms of this author's position is that there are more elements in a relationship besides intimate relationships. Of course, we may want to experience being with other people, but if our feelings are a little more than pure physical factors, we can achieve being, with a person all our lives. While we have to talk about, have common interests and also goals for the future, we will not be interested in other people.
There are aspects in the bond of two people that are transcendent in nature, beyond the material and that is precisely what helps a couple to be united and their relationship to be lasting. If we focus on aspects other than physical, without thinking only about intimate relationships, we can see that any relationship can work and probably last for a long time. We have to understand that we cannot create a happy couple while we focus on one aspect only and neglect others. Both physical contact and emotional connection are very important.
In any case, something interesting about Santandreu's proposal is based on the invitation to break models. The psychologist encourages us to try to break with the traditional model of relationships and experience something new, something unusual. However, at the same time, he received a lot of criticism for having encouraged people to be unfaithful. It is the greatest concern of many who end up reading the famous book. However, the author defends himself and only wants us to see that monogamy is not necessarily correct.
In this sense, we must bear in mind that the archetypes are not for everyone and everyone resonates with something in particular. Nor can I say that monogamy is the only correct solution. In many cultures and countries having several wives is something completely normal and nobody is opposed to following a similar life model. Even in countries as developed as the United States, we can observe cases of polygamy and each time it is a more and more popular model.
Also, the possibility of getting out of a relationship in time before starting to hurt the other is something to take into account. If we know well that our couple would not tolerate infidelity, it is better that we talk to her beforehand and try to finish things before hurting her. We must accept that not all are partisans of the beliefs of the Spanish psychologist. On the contrary, many people prefer to maintain the traditional scheme of a relationship: where there are two, there is no space for third parties.
Ultimately, what underlies this proposal must be seen from a very relative perspective. Everyone should decide if they prefer to be with a person until death or if better, change partners every five years. However, we should be careful with the feelings of the people who love us. We must remember that before taking any step, we should first know the point of view of our partner since the relationship is of both people, not just one.